19 hours ago
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Art by the talented tinamariaelena .
My PMDD was so bad last week, I couldn’t work at all
I am self employed, very VERY grateful for, but it requires taking appointments, meeting with clients, & providing services.
Again, I’d like to stay as anonymous as possible (besides the few who know who I am).
I had to reschedule every single appointment last week with clients because I couldn’t even get out of bed.
One day, I attempted to go in & immediately went to the bathroom at work, & vomited
How do you explain to people that you’re SO hopeless, that you can’t even perform the simplest tasks? I have to go above & beyond when explaining why I have to reschedule so my illness sounds “valid enough” to them. I can’t say, “oh, I have suicidal ideation & have been sobbing for 3 hours straight”. Not only does that make them uncomfortable, but they most likely won’t reschedule because I am now unreliable to them
When I don’t have my PMDD symptoms, I feel human again. This is a vicious cycle that, unfortunately, I can’t do much about. This has taken A LOT of self talk, self love, self care, & even kind words & motivation from my spouse, family, & friends to get even *close* to a place where I can say, “if they don’t understand, I don’t want them as a client”. I mean, often I have to remind myself over & over. But I’m starting to get to that realization
However, there have been some clients who have been enormously understanding. To the point where it makes me sob even more because they are simply so kind & empathetic. THOSE are the clients I wanna keep around
I had a client just the other day, tell me that she had PMDD. Oh my god. It was the most incredible thing, talking to someone who understands every single level of it all. It was our first time meeting & after her appt, we chatted for an hour about mentalhealth. This was, by far, one of the most refreshing conversations I’ve had in a long time. She will probably never understand the impact that she has forever made on me
CONT’D IN COMMENTS⬇️