8 minutes ago
In the basement library of SLL and CS, Rishi killed the swelling darkness within him by hanging himself on the ceiling fan. Chechikutty found comfort in rat poison. Dani cured everything by jumping down a building, somewhere in Canada. They were all beautiful souls! Rishi was “passionate and appreciated by teachers”. Chechi was “cheerful, and empathetic.” Dani was “talented and ambitious.” The world was never short of adjectives to define them but we failed to ensure that when they cannot see themselves
Depression is not sadness. It is a side effect of accumulated events rather than a single happening and the reason can be anything from biological to social. It amplifies the internal void which can effortlessly convince that you’re a worthless sack of flesh and blood. It has no physical existence but can guide you to self destruction. The only possible clue to this non-physical void is to know how some people pace towards death, even when they are so full of life
Suicide is interpreted as a non-sensical and selfish act of cowardice. Though I want to believe so, my rational sense cannot align with this argument. Suicide is an act of helplessness fertilised by hopelessness. The one who attempts suicide is always accused of complete ignorance towards the people around. Unfortunately, the truth is, this excruciating pain is like malignant cancer but it cannot be tamed with morphine! You wriggle within its vortex not knowing how many days and nights of crying is required to comfort you or how many months of isolation is tolerable or how many years of medication and therapy can gift atleast a dribble of hope. There is no definitive answer because healing is a process that demands cognisance and patience. Healing is a spiritual experience. Before that you have to endure the feeling of worthlessness, abandonment, numbness and low self esteem
There is no shame in being weak or struggling. The inner strength can be catalysed by the external support system- keep them intact. It won’t make you less of a warrior. Believe, there is a gleam of light longing to touch us. Only when we are kind to our scars and us, it can pierce through the darkness.